September 23rd, 2010 – 2.15 Mile Run

The continued prayer is, “Lord keep me focused. Keep my mind stayed on You. Help me to bring You praise. I know You believe in me. Please help me in my unbelief. Amen.”

This was a great run. More of a sprint for someone like me. I gotta be honest, my mind was playing tricks on me after the Half. I was determined to be proud of myself because if anyone else on the planet told me that they had completed a Half Marathon, I would be over the top with praise and admiration for that person.

However….

The fact is, even though I finished within my 3 hour goal time and I managed to stay on my feet without puking, I came in 220th in a race with only 240 runners. And of those last 20 stragglers, only one of them was younger than me. In short, I could have and should have done MUCH better!!!

Again… I am congratulating myself because hey, I ran a half marathon!!! But I can’t get my brain to stop calling me a loser. And it’s not a personality disorder. I’m not one of those shrinking violets who are never happy with themselves no matter what they do. I think I’m friggin’ fabulous! I think I’m what normal should be. As it is, I’m a ROCK STAR!

My back story is kind of a mess. My childhood was a bit of a nightmare, but I managed to get myself educated. I’ve been married to the same MAN (YES, a man. Call me kooky but I believe it’s still OK to be heterosexual) for almost 14 years. I have 2 gorgeous kids who live in the same house as my husband and me. I go to work every day. I pay my bills on time. I go to church (almost) every Sunday. I pay my tithes and my taxes. I believe the man is the head of the household and Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. I have a thing about cupcakes but I try to eat right and I exercise pretty regularly. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I’m not skinny but I’m not fat. In the looks department, I’m better than average when I drop outta bed and by the time I’m dressed for work I can make a grown man weep. I’m witty, funny and an all-around great dinner guest. And on top of all that, I’m a fantastic cook and I’m a tigress in the sack.

My point is: I’ve got self-confidence falling out of my fabulous and perfectly formed butt and I *still* think I screwed up on that Half Marathon!!!! And knowing that I should have done better is little better than failure in my mind. If it was the best I could do, I would be more than OK with it. However, knowing I could have done better and didn’t is dreadful. Shame on you, Sabrina!

Fortunately, as previously stated, my self esteem is quite high, so moving on is no trouble for me. < This is me washing my hands of it. Swish-Swish! >

This run was to be the beginning of my redemption. I knew it was going to have to be a short workout because I got started later than I’d originally intended. There would be no messing around this time because I was losing daylight and the plan was to do a 2-mile sprint.

It was good. It had been days since I’d strapped on the Asics because I promised myself a full 5-day rest period after the race. I was still feeling a little twinge in my ankle and left knee, but there were to be no excuses tonight. I thought it was going to be miserable.

Once I got Sarah strapped into her reflective gear and my tunes on the iPod, it was a really great run and I didn’t realize how much my body had missed it. There were a few times I had to remind myself to keep on pushing because while it was a short run, it was much faster. I usually try to stick to a 12-minute mile pace and I wanted this one to be around 10 minutes. I kept it between 9 and 11 minutes the whole time but my average was skewed because I didn’t stop my RunKeeper when I stopped at traffic lights.

It felt good. The pace was good (for me) and the distance was perfect. Long enough to be worth the time and short enough to avoid major soreness or injury. I will try it again later and try for a long run this weekend.

I have the Los Angeles Rock’n’Roll Half Marathon next month and I gotta do better!