The continued prayer is, “Lord keep me focused. Keep my mind stayed on You. Help me to bring You praise. I know You believe in me. Please help me in my unbelief. Amen.”
This run was more of a quest. Somewhere along the way I have lost my love for running and I have to find it again because I can’t seem to make myself stop doing it.
My last run was just a mess. I couldn’t find my groove and settling into it was very difficult. I suppose I could be addicted to worse things. And I call it an addiction because, like I said, I can’t seem to make myself stop.
I don’t do it because I want to. I don’t do it because I’m being forced to. And at this point, I don’t do it because I enjoy it.
I could stop now, never run again and no one in my world would blame me. My family and friends think I’m completely bonkers, to put it mildly.
I don’t do it because it makes me special, for everyone and their grandmother runs. I don’t do it because I have a gift for it. I am woefully mediocre at it. I don’t do it because it’s my only option. We are certainly not people of means, but if we had to, we could manage a gym membership, dance class or rider’s club tuition.
I don’t do it to stay healthy, fit or lose weight. I banished my scale long ago, but I do know that I haven’t really lost any weight with running. This is just the size I’m supposed to be at this point in my life. I could lose weight, but….. Nah. I’m at a healthy weight. I’m good with it.
I don’t do it to keep my husband interested. He’s crazy about me and would be if I weighed 200 lbs. I know this because he was crazy me about when I did weight 200 lbs right after the children were born.
I don’t do it so my children will admire me. I keep Rice Krispy Treats stocked in the house. I make Kettle Korn from scratch. I make up fairytales and nursery rhymes with them as the heroes at the the drop of a dime. I’ve never met a knot I couldn’t unravel. Prayer is forever and always my first line of defense. My hugs and kisses have magical healing powers and I can spot mischief behind closed doors. They think I’m a super hero.
Do I do it to feel good about myself? Have you met me?! Well, probably not, but trust me when I tell you that I’m fabulous!!!! Largely because I think so.
So why?
Why, why, why can’t I just give it up? Why not stop because I’m not enjoying it anymore? Why run out the door looking for the joy of the run when joy greets me around every corner at home?
Why keep running?
Because I have to….. I just do.
Sometimes I feel this way about running. It is not helping me lose any weight. And I am not going any faster. Instead, my ankles are tired. My knees hurt. So why do I continue running?
ReplyDeleteI can't stop either. Addiction - probably.
But better be addicted to running than other drugs.
Give yourself some time. Maybe it is time to change it up a little. Do a fun run with your pets/kids/husband/girlfriends? You will never know when/who will bring you a different perspective on running. :)
Thanks. I will give it some time. Even when the run is miserable, I'm always glad I did it. I took my son on my last run. He always adds joy to my run, even if the workout is sacrificed a bit. I'd *LOVE* it if my husband would train and do one with me, though! That would be GREAT!!!
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